Swimsuit Shopping…An Olympic Sport.

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July 5, 2013 by thelittlepinkmustache

Let’s face it ladies swimsuit shopping is an Olympic sport. You go in there knowing what you want to buy a basic swim suit, but then you see the selection or that you can mix and match and it becomes an all out sprint from swimsuits to dressing rooms. The reason that is, is because they will only let you take so many in at a time while you have about 40 suits in your cart all of different sizes, styles and color combinations. Now I have found the smart thing to do is go swimsuit shopping with a friend or in my case my mother. Remember you are participating in a sport. You do not want to take someone in there that will get tired easily or start whining that they want to go home. You want someone in there that is as determined as you to come out of that room with a swimsuit for the season.

So I could only take so many in at a time, I forget how many, I grabbed what I could and rushed into the changing room and begun the horrid process of trying them on. In the beginning it’s easy you have this confidence in yourself that it will all work out fine. You try on a few and some work some don’t work. Then you take what doesn’t work scream at your friend you need 4 more as she tosses them to you and you sprint back to your dressing room.

The second phase, you are starting to get a bit tired but not defeated and there is a little sweat that starts to form which makes trying on certain suits like pulling on a small size you were never meant to wear. The grunting begins and the pulling and adjusting and finally you have on a swimsuit which you must now check out from all angles which I call the Trifecta approach.

First comes the boobs, that’s right I said the boobs you have to make sure that your boobs don’t look too small or too big, you want that nice middle area where they are perky but not fake looking. Then comes the  stomach section. You want to make sure that nothing is hanging out or bulging because the bottoms are too tight and the top is too loose. Lastly the butt area. This is the most important area of them all because you do not, I repeat do not, want to be pulling your bathing suit down every five seconds at the beach because you have a wedgie. This process requires walking around and also sitting down. When the Trifecta is achieved you have finished your journey.

You will walk out of that dressing room sweat dripping from your brow with the winning suit in your hands and you will turn to your friend, or in my case my mother and say “Let’s get the fucking hell out of here.” And as you walk away you feel as if you should be walking into the sunset with the music from Rocky playing in the background.

Now a message to the men. When you see your woman’s bathing suit there is only one thing you are allowed to say “You look perfect in that suit, I love you.” If you do not heed these words it will be you we take to the swimsuit Olympics to find a new suit.

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